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Laugh or cry?

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

One day it seems pretty sure I'm having my surgery, the next day  not so much.  UNC knew when I started that Vocational Rehab was paying for my surgery.  They told me they took it and it would be accepted.   Today UNC told Vocational Rehab they had no idea that they were paying for my services.  WTF?   You already knew they were and you said it was ok.  Why the 180? 

It's not like Vocational Rehab has been dropping the ball - they have been sending the authorizations and have been getting confirmations that UNC has received them.   Hopefully this gets fixed as I am tired of not knowing.

I'm tired of this.  I need this surgery.  It is no longer a matter of if it is going to kill me but when. The MRI that was taken is showing that the tumor is starting to prolapse through the cervix.  It hurts and it is causing me pain. The Lupron is doing nothing to shrink the tumor.  Hell, it is only stemming the bleeding - it has not stopped it like it is supposed to do.   

I still have a surgery date set for November 15, and my pre-op blood work set up for October 27.  I just hope this paperwork gets straightened out as this must be done.   

Hopefully the need part will win out this time.  It's not like the hospital isn't getting paid.  They are.  At this point I don't care how they do the surgery, just let it happen. 

I tried getting medicaid, but I keep getting the same crap. (under 50/no kids)  I tried to point out to them that their section on 'family planning' which is given in cases up to 180% of the poverty level includes sterilization.   They retorted that it only applies if you already have kids.  They don't care about the fact that I tried, and failed.  Not once, but five times.

At this point not only do I need this surgery for my sanity (as I can't work if I'm bleeding so heavy that I soak through the heaviest maxi pads I can find in less than a minute - and when the bleeding is so bad, that the blood just runs out of my uterus and all over my panties, pants, bed sheets or if I'm lucky, the toilet).  A person cannot work like that.   All I want to do is to go back to being productive. 

What is so hard about that?  At this point menopause won't help.  And if I don't have the surgery soon, the tumor will be prolapsing through the cervix.  I am tired of having to wait until I am nearly dead for someone to do something to help me. I can wait the month - I can't wait another six again looking for yet another doctor. 

What the fuck is wrong with this country?   You have someone here who wants to be productive and wants to work, but I can't get anyone to stand up and say,  "I'll help you so you can get back to work."    

Is it really so wrong to want to do this?  I'm sorry I'm not dripping with money.  I'm sorry I don't live in another country.  I'm tired of hearing of others catching a break.  When is it going to be my turn?   


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Update

Things seem to be a go right now - the who's paying part seems to be straightened out and I'm moving forward with the surgery.

Right now I have a cold - and gastritis. Guess I'm going to be laying off coffee and food for a while. :(

The latter part sucks - but so does getting dizzy after eating. Off for rest and sugar water for a few days. (the only thing that is staying down and not making me dizzy)